It is a horrible thing to live in fear. I’ve always thought of myself as a brave and tough guy but I’ve realized that I’ve spent most of my life living in fear. I fear the morning. I fear Monday. I fear my bosses erratic moods. I fear the next call, or job could be my last. I fear what my legacy will be. I fear the future. A man cannot live in the present when the future looms like a black cloud over everything you do, darkening every potential happy moment with uncertainty and anxiety.
I am tired of being afraid. I do not believe any self respecting man should wake up dreading the day, afraid of how the next 8 to 10 hours will unfold. That’s no way to live. When you go to work for someone else you inevitably place your future and your fate in their hands and hope for the best. That’s a lot of trust to be placing in someone you may have only known a few days before you started working for them. Since moving south to North Carolina I’ve put my trust in 3 different employers. Now I’m afraid I’ve made a big mistake.
I am afraid of all the unfulfilled and un-acted upon dreams that haunt my thoughts at night. I’m an intelligent creative person. I am wildly talented when it comes to making things with my hands, from welding and painting cars to building furniture. Why am I still broke and hoping to be able to pay my bills on time? Because I’m afraid, terrified to walk away from a sure paycheck working for people I despise and hate to follow my own path. That hate has left me bitter and resentful. That resentment and anger is eating me up from the inside out. Fear is killing me slowly as surely as any disease.
My father was an insanely intelligent, articulate, and creative person. He’s going to die broke and out of his mind. We used to sit up for hours on the weekend bouncing ideas off each other, of all the great things we could do to make a fortune and conquer the world. The differences between my father and I have grown as I’ve aged but one trait we still share, is neither one of us has done anything about making all those great ideas come true.
An idea without action may as well be nothing, it never happened, it never existed. Ideas without effort and work, are stillborn. I’m afraid my mind has given birth to thousands of stillborn children over the last 15 years. It’s been akin to mental masturbation, on an epic scale. I am afraid, that I am nothing, that I will die a nothing, having really never accomplished anything lasting and meaningful in my life.
Or I could just get off my ass and go get shit done and stop repeating the same fruitless pattern again and again. Thanks for reading this. Stop being afraid. The worst that could happen is you try, you fail, and you die, then all you problems are over anyway.