Tinder, the MMA of Dating

Tinder, not for the weak of heart of the frail of spirit. If you’re going to step into the ring, you better be ready to take a few punches. Let me begin by saying if you’re newly single, and looking for a convenient, time expedient way to meet people, Tinder is the answer. There are no expensive bar tabs or awkward setups from friends or relatives, just an unending stream of hopeful singles hoping to put their best foot forward in 750 characters or less. That being said if you value your soul and want to keep your faith in humanity, you should probably avoid putting yourself through the ringer. Below are a few observations of my 6 months on Tinder.

First off, let me start by saying that human beings are the only animals on the planet for whom strength, physical beauty, and good genes are not the primary deciding factor for male success in the mating pool. It was, not that long ago in our species’ history but evolution has given humans empathy and thought which means a lot of sad cases are out there spreading their genes along to the next generation. I don’t know if this is good or bad but it does mean everyone has their shot to meet their perfect mate if they’re determined and patient enough.

Guys, get over the notion that “she should love me for me!” It’s pathetic and just deluded. We judge women by their physical attributes (if we’re being honest,) and they do the same to us. It’s called biology! If you want to catch the attention of that gorgeous Instagram hottie you’ve been stalking you damn well better be the kind of man that that kind of woman would be attracted to. It is only fair. Ladies that goes both ways! Personality is great and ladies definitely do love a funny guy and will overlook a lot if a guy is funny, smart, and interesting but that doesn’t mean you have the right to let yourself go and be an introvert then bitch when she never notices you. Women don’t dislike nice guys, hell, every one I’ve talked to is desperately seeking a nice guy. What they dislike are guys with no depth, charisma, or future.

It’s a numbers game guys, not to trivialize it but it is, especially for women. I’m fortunate to know several attractive women who have shared their Tinder profiles with me and what they deal with day after day can best be described as a numbing merry-go-round of bad lines, dick pics, and stupidity. Some guys seem to have no sense of decency or control once you involve the internet and things I know they would never say to anyone in person are suddenly fair game in their minds. Chances are your “like” got buried in a pile of disgusting that she has yet to weed through to eliminate the “No’s.” It’s not personal guys its just how it is. Keep trying and keep moving. In all seriousness if you really want to stand out, don’t talk about sex, show your dick, or post shirtless selfies, save that stuff for once you actually land her and get to know her, by then she might actually ask you for it.

I’m going to keep this short, because I could rant about Tinder and online dating for days and still not cover all the bases. Here’s my best advice for guys and women. Have something to say. It doesn’t have to be deep or even profound, but be able to talk about something besides her tits and sex guys. Ladies, yes we know you like music and going out with the girls. Next chill out, relationships are built over time not by swipes. Online dating makes people impatient. It may not be perfection from the start and if you’re smart you won’t be looking for perfection anyway but interest. Be real! Ladies lay off the GOD DAMN SNAPCHAT FILTERS! If you’re over the age of 30 you shouldn’t be on Snapchat anyway, grow up! Don’t you dare bitch about finding a real man, while wearing puppy ears and a snout in your picture. Also don’t use your hot friends as camouflage and make us guess which one you really are, guys do it too I know. Guys, look like your picture she will find out you’re lying once you meet in person and meeting in person is the point anyway, isn’t it?

Here’s my final piece of advice, calm down. You’re single, so what. It’s okay. Have you ever actually taken some time be alone, and look into yourself and see what’s really there and explore. Most of you have been single yes, but not learned to be comfortable alone. It takes courage and character to go through the world alone and okay with it and that kind of belief in yourself and confidence can’t be faked and it draws people to you. Get your life together. Get in shape, go have fun, and see what kind of person is attracted to you when you do that. Maybe you won’t need online dating, maybe you’ll meet some real people in the real world!


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