Food Nazi suck on this!

So Modern Savage tribe I’m about to say some things that will probably piss a few people off so as usual if you have issues hearing frank and honest opinions and truthful observations then I could really give a crap. Take it up with someone who snivels and cries about how unfair life is as much as you do because you’re not going to get any sympathy from me.

Yesterday my fiancée Gwen got kicked out of a Facebook group called “The Whole 30 challenge.” At first I was amused and thought to myself; welcome to my world. Just a few weeks ago I told a CF Box owner to stick it after he laid down the law about how things were going to be in his box. To be honest the real reason we came to harsh words was because of his inexperience and poor programming habits and the fact that I had no interest in learning to do things his way. Was it egotistical and even a little arrogant on my part to get mad about this newb telling me how it was and should be; yeah probably. I don’t apologize though and neither should you in such a situation.

Back to yesterday though; I am constantly floored by people in these food groups and the way they get wrapped around an axle over their arbitrary rules and conditions. Seriously are we 5 years old again and applying for membership to the “he-man woman haters club again?” If people spent one fifth the time on just being smart and consistent about eating right and working out as they do debating what is and isn’t allowable under their food rules there wouldn’t be anything to debate because we’d all be fit and trim.

This month’s issue of “Paleo” magazine continues on with the rant of the food Nazis as I like to call it, and spends half the issue criticizing those who corrupt Paleo by not strictly adhering to its roots and conventions. Come on people do you really have such vacant empty lives that this is all you can find to worry and obsess over? Of course you do that was a stupid question on my part. I’m not saying nutrition isn’t important to health because it is. I also agree that too much of our modern processed foods are bad for us. I also agree that everyone could benefit from switching to a more natural style of diet avoiding sugar, empty carbs, and super-processed fats but I’m not going to unfriend, delete, or put out a hit on anyone who doesn’t agree or conform to my view.

Look my intelligent friends, I am not a caveman, and guess what neither are you, nor were your parents, grandparents, and great grand parents or those before them. I don’t want to be a caveman; their lives sucked. I certainly don’t sit around lamenting the fact that I can’t spend my day searching the savanna and jungle for food while avoiding predators. In fact I’m quite pleased that my food comes from a grocery store. Likewise I don’t believe agriculture is the demon that ruined humanity. Agriculture and specifically the cultivation of cereal grains is perhaps one of the defining moments in our development from just another clever primate with a spear to the dominant species on this planet. Our civilization is based on the foundation of agriculture and the security it provided (look it up). SO to over simplify things if you enjoy your Iphone, LCD TV, the internet and car it’s all because of agriculture and your bread eating ancestors you ungrateful asshole so show some respect.

The whole “is it Paleo?” and similar food movements has like anything that catches on and becomes mainstream; gotten out of hand. People get so caught up on the minute details that they forget the aim and big picture of the thing to begin with; a healthy life through better nutrition. I don’t believe living a life of weighing your food and passing it through a mass spectrometer to assess its “Paleo-ness” was what people had in mind when this all begin. If they did then they were some twisted bastards and that’s reason enough to abandon it.

Am I advocating eating bread and grains; no I’m not because I know what gluten does inside the body just as I know what lactose does to my immune system. I am fortunate that I am not intolerant of neither so I can indulge now and then without worry just as I indulge on other things now and then. Am I worried when I’m not eating Paleo; no because the world I live in is not Paleo it’s modern and changed since the caveman walked their hairy asses across the grasslands and neither is it responsible for providing for me that’s my job and more importantly my choice. Sometimes I choose to let things slide and live a little. I’m looking at the big picture if a detail gets fudged along the way but doesn’t disrupt the overall quality of my life who gives a flying monkey’s butt. Live your life people don’t dissect it, I promise the answers you’re looking for are not in charts and food diagrams they’re out there in the world.

For all you food Nazis out there I tell you this; there is a reckoning coming for those of you who sell your souls to be in the cool club. Everything that is popular eventually falls by the wayside those that stay cool and relevant are those that have built their own method and are comfortable going their own way consistently and without fear. Moderation and application will win out over extremist’s theories and nitpicking every time. In other words when the shit hits the fan you’re going to choke on your rules while we adaptable people are running you down. Have a great day.

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